The Zombie King's Bankably Brilliant Inventions:
Gadgets, Gizmos and Other Such Nonsense
Today's Invention: Little Diablo Snack Cakes!
Wondering what to feed the little devils this afternoon when they bound from the school bus, all drool and gnashing teeth and empty eye sockets? Tired of the old apple slices and next-door-neighbor fingers? The obligatory glass of postman's blood? Will no one save your children from the monotony of sheep genitals?
Fear not, zombie matriarchs. We at Food for Zombies know how hard you work each day, ironing and folding laundry and gutting PTA members. And now we're proud to present Little Diablo Snack Cakes, a variety of seven snacks fortified with the nutritious brains of Honduran migrant workers, prepackaged treats you can feel good about serving to your offspring. And the best part? There's no work involved--just bite through the box, lock the spawn in their pen and put up those tired feet!
So go ahead, pack a few in that overnight bag to Grandma's house, send a boxful to Taekwondo class. You're guaranteed to hear those words all mothers cherish: Thanks, mom! More brains, please!
Little Diablo Snack Cakes. Because moms like you settle only for the very best. (From the makers of Vita-Cigs)
Until next we dispel the myth that zombies are dimwits who can't spell,
P.S. For every comment this posting gets, Food for Zombies will provide a loving home to a Golden Retriever or Cocker Spaniel. (We will not, however, guarantee the animal will live in the home.)